LOST IN TIME- MIRAGE - back to reality

 9. Back to reality

When Morpheus offered Neo the blue and the red pill, Neo had to choose between a convenience that blinded him from the truth, or the truth – reality. The Matrix was my favorite movie, and I used to watch it whenever I felt like I was suffocating in this little world of mine.
     Sometimes when the boredom of Voorhees numbed my senses I used to imagine that the Matrix was the world we all lived in, which was a relief to me, because I knew that there is hope after Voortrix.
     Mom's voice woke me up. Confused and startled I sat up on my bed trying to understand how and when I got here? I held my head. This wasn't a dream. I shook my head. “It couldn't be,” I mumbled.     “Are you ok?” Mom said looking at me with a funny expression.     I hadn't even noticed she was there. I jumped out of my bed and stormed into Ethan's room, but I couldn't find the bag he left on the floor last night. I looked under his bed, near his desk. I left the room toward the laundry room, digging into the laundry basket. I couldn't find any of his green uniforms. I lost my balance. It was hard to breathe. As if someone hit me right in the solar plexus. My legs became weak, and I closed the door to the laundry room, which was the door to the bathroom as well. I didn't want my parents to see me like this.  I sat on the bathroom floor holding my stomach. “I wasn't dreaming,” I whispered to myself. “I wasn't dreaming. I felt him.” My hands trembled. I reached out for the necklace around my neck, just to make sure the pedant was still there.
     “Danielle?” Mom was knocking on the door. “Are you ok?”     “Yes,” I said, though I could barely speak.  I turned the water on in the shower so she would leave me alone. “I'm just taking a shower,” I said knowing she was still waiting behind the door.
     When I came out of the shower breakfast was ready.
     “When did you come back yesterday?” I asked my folks.     “After midnight. You were already sleeping,” Mom said.     “And Ethan?” I tried to confirm that he was here yesterday.     “What about Ethan?”     “Was he here?”     Mom wrinkled her forehead. “Ethan is still at the base.”     “But he was.” I paused to find a better way to say that he was here last night, and that I had seen him.
     Last night was so full of magic. I was exposed to something beautiful and abnormal that I had no one to share with, especially not with my parents who'd think that this was a side effect of the heavy heat in Israel.     Mom stood there, still waiting for a whole normal sentence to come out of my mouth.
     “I meant he was supposed to come yesterday, wasn't he?”
     “I don't think so.” She looked at me strangely. And I knew I should have just kept my thoughts to myself, because Mom's sensors were in full motion all of a sudden. And only by the look in her eyes could I tell that she didn't like seeing me like this.
     Doubting my own common sense and my healthy judgment was the most difficult thing I'd ever had to cope with. I'd never hallucinated before and I couldn't find a good reason why I should start now.
     Mom suggested that I pack the rest of my things, since our flight to New Jersey would leave at midnight. I had only a few hours left to call Ethan and find out whether I was dreaming or if he had really been here, but all my attempts to call him failed.     My whole body was tensed as I heard the knock on the door. “Ethan.”  I called, and stormed out of the room towards the entrance door pulling the handle swiftly.
     I froze realizing I had been mistaken. A strong wave of disappointment hit my body. I must have been transparent as cellophane because Jason's smile erased immediately.
     “I'm sorry,” he said. “I couldn't wait anymore. I had to say good-bye before you leave.” His eyes were searching for mine.     “Are you planning on standing here for a long time?” Mom asked standing behind me.     I felt rude for being so selfish. The least I could do was hide my disappointment.     Jason came in. Mom was already obsessively talkative, and even invited him to our house in Voorhees when he comes back to the States. Once in a while Jason glanced at me as if he could feel that something was wrong.
     I signaled him to come into my room, so in the most graceful way he could, he found his way out of the compulsive conversation he was sucked into by Mom, and followed me to my room. I closed the door behind us and leaned with my back to the door.  I wasn't sure what I was about to say, or how I was going to say it, but I had to tell him about my feelings for Ethan.     “Jason.” I sighed. “I...”     Before I could continue Jason stepped forward in such confidence, and was already too close. His finger was on my lips when he shushed me, and kissed me passionately. I was frozen. He slid a piece of paper into my pocket and said, “Keep it. You might want to see me again back in New Jersey.  I'll be waiting for your call.” He kissed me briefly on my cheek and left the house.     I stood there overwhelmed, still frozen. I touched my lips, and was surprised by the mixed feelings aroused in me by that unexpected wild kiss.  I closed my eyes and didn't look back.

Lost In Time - Mirage - Routine (part of the chapter)

"Lost In Time - mirage" Routine (part of chapter 20)

     I woke up in my bed alone. Ethan was not there, and I wasn't wrapped in his arms anymore.

     Mom's voice penetrated my sweet sleep, and woke me. It was time to get ready for school, but I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed.

     A single moment of understanding can flood a whole life with meaning.

     Nothing was the same as of that day. Every time I woke up, the first thing I did was walk to the window of my room and check up on our back yard. Just to make sure it was still there.

     Only then could I really appreciate the little things I had in my life: like the purple flowers in the back yard, and the red Geranium that hung in its hanger on the deck. Like Dad's favorite trees on the left side of the back yard, and the blue bird that came for a short visit in the mornings when it was time to wake up.

     Even Mom's voice became bearable, and I didn't hush her as often as before.

     Ethan didn't come back, and I knew none of the future events were preventable if we were to stay together. Though I had a slight hope that one day he would come back and describe a different world than the one I had seen in the future.

     I never asked Jason to stay, but I also didn't ask him to leave. I hadn't seen him for weeks, and didn't try to contact him.

     Voorhees Eastern High School became a place I learned to enjoy hanging out in. Even literature classes were more interesting than before, and I think that Mr. Adelson began to like me.

     Suddenly, Voorhees wasn't as boring as it seemed, and I was thankful for the “horrible” routine I was born into.

     I liked the smell of the trees by the lakes. I liked the quiet in the morning and in the afternoons. I liked to stare at my back yard for hours, and let myself be overwhelmed by the dark green that surrounded me.

     I was happy with what I had, and for the first time I could admit that I didn't wish to be swept off my feet, and be saved from the boredom of Voorhees. The tedium of Voorhees became a comfort not only to me, but to everyone else around me.

     It was a relief to wake up in the mornings and think about the simple things in life; like what should I wear, and how should I fix my hair before going to school. What movie should I watch on TV, and what kind of dish I'd like Mom to cook for Friday dinner. Everything became simple and easy, and I no longer felt threatened by it. Simplicity brought a great comfort to my life.

     I saw friends more often. The time I spent without Ethan and Jason was also dedicated to heal the rifts created between Natasha and me. And as always our friendship was stronger than anything else. Natasha never mentioned Jason's name again, and I never brought it up. It was a silence that kept him away from my life, and the possibility of his existence in Natasha's life.