9. Back to reality
When Morpheus offered Neo the blue and the red pill, Neo had to choose
between a convenience that blinded him from the truth, or the truth – reality. The Matrix was my favorite movie, and I
used to watch it whenever I felt like I was suffocating in this little world of
mine.
Sometimes when the boredom of Voorhees numbed my
senses I used to imagine that the Matrix was the world we all lived in, which
was a relief to me, because I knew that there is hope after Voortrix.
Mom's voice woke me up. Confused and startled I sat
up on my bed trying to understand how and when I got here? I held my head. This
wasn't a dream. I shook my head. “It couldn't be,” I mumbled. “Are you ok?” Mom said looking at me with a funny
expression. I hadn't even noticed she was there. I jumped out of
my bed and stormed into Ethan's room, but I couldn't find the bag he left on
the floor last night. I looked under his bed, near his desk. I left the room
toward the laundry room, digging into the laundry basket. I couldn't find any
of his green uniforms. I lost my balance. It was hard to breathe. As if someone
hit me right in the solar plexus. My legs became weak, and I closed the door to
the laundry room, which was the door to the bathroom as well. I didn't want my
parents to see me like this. I sat on the bathroom floor holding my
stomach. “I wasn't dreaming,” I whispered to myself. “I wasn't dreaming. I felt
him.” My hands trembled. I reached out for the necklace around my neck, just to
make sure the pedant was still there.
“Danielle?” Mom was knocking on the door. “Are you
ok?” “Yes,” I said, though I could barely speak. I
turned the water on in the shower so she would leave me alone. “I'm just taking
a shower,” I said knowing she was still waiting behind the door.
When I came out of the shower breakfast was ready.
“When did you come back yesterday?” I asked my folks. “After midnight. You were already sleeping,” Mom
said. “And Ethan?” I tried to confirm that he was here
yesterday. “What about Ethan?” “Was he here?” Mom wrinkled her forehead. “Ethan is still at the
base.” “But he was.” I paused to find a better way to say
that he was here last night, and that I had seen him.
Last night was so full of magic. I was exposed to
something beautiful and abnormal that I had no one to share with, especially
not with my parents who'd think that this was a side effect of the heavy heat
in Israel. Mom stood there, still waiting for a whole normal
sentence to come out of my mouth.
“I meant he was supposed to come yesterday, wasn't
he?”
“I don't think so.” She looked at me strangely. And I
knew I should have just kept my thoughts to myself, because Mom's sensors were
in full motion all of a sudden. And only by the look in her eyes could I tell
that she didn't like seeing me like this.
Doubting my own common sense and my healthy judgment
was the most difficult thing I'd ever had to cope with. I'd never hallucinated
before and I couldn't find a good reason why I should start now.
Mom suggested that I pack the rest of my things,
since our flight to New Jersey would leave at midnight. I had only a few hours
left to call Ethan and find out whether I was dreaming or if he had really been
here, but all my attempts to call him failed. My whole body was tensed as I heard the knock on the
door. “Ethan.” I called, and stormed out of the room towards the entrance
door pulling the handle swiftly.
I froze realizing I had been mistaken. A strong wave
of disappointment hit my body. I must have been transparent as cellophane
because Jason's smile erased immediately.
“I'm sorry,” he said. “I couldn't wait anymore. I had
to say good-bye before you leave.” His eyes were searching for mine. “Are you planning on standing here for a long time?”
Mom asked standing behind me. I felt rude for being so selfish. The least I could
do was hide my disappointment. Jason came in. Mom was already obsessively talkative,
and even invited him to our house in Voorhees when he comes back to the States.
Once in a while Jason glanced at me as if he could feel that something was
wrong.
I signaled him to come into my room, so in the most
graceful way he could, he found his way out of the compulsive conversation he
was sucked into by Mom, and followed me to my room. I closed the door behind us
and leaned with my back to the door. I wasn't sure what I was about to
say, or how I was going to say it, but I had to tell him about my feelings for
Ethan. “Jason.” I sighed. “I...” Before I could continue Jason stepped forward in such
confidence, and was already too close. His finger was on my lips when he
shushed me, and kissed me passionately. I was frozen. He slid a piece of paper
into my pocket and said, “Keep it. You might want to see me again back in New
Jersey. I'll be waiting for your call.” He kissed me briefly on my cheek
and left the house. I stood there overwhelmed, still frozen. I touched my
lips, and was surprised by the mixed feelings aroused in me by that unexpected
wild kiss. I closed my eyes and didn't look back.
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